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How to Never Have Friends and Be Alone Forever (Ep. 243)

They say that humans are social creatures, but who says we have to be?

Yes, friends are clearly overrated, which is why this week’s episode is all about how to stop making new friends and drive all of your current friends away. It’s obviously the episode we needed to release this holiday season, just in time for all you grinches out there.

On the other hand … maybe you want friends?

I suppose if you’re the rebellious type, you could just do the opposite of whatever we say. If you did that, you’d probably end up making more friends. You might even become a better friend in general, strengthening the current friendships you hold dear.

But that’s ridiculous. Let’s all agree to just hang out by ourselves for the foreseeable future, because friends are scary.

And in case you don’t pick up well on sarcasm (perhaps because English isn’t your native tongue or you aren’t part of a very sarcastic culture), this episode is definitely about how to become a better friend, how to make more friends, and how to be happier with the friends you have.

After all, Magic: The Gathering just isn’t as fun by yourself.

Things mentioned in this episode:

This week’s episode is sponsored by:

  • Brilliant: Accelerate your learning in math, science, and computer science. Start learning for free at — and if you’re one of the first 83 people to use this link, you’ll also get 20% off your subscription.
  • CuriosityStream: High-quality streaming for people who love to learn. Get your first 30 days free by going to and using the promo code ‘collegeinfogeek’ when you sign up.

Other things we mentioned in this episode:

Want more cool stuff? You can find all sorts of great tools at my Resources page.


  • 0:06:27 – Don’t approach someone to start a conversation
  • 0:11:23 – Don’t try to become better at socializing
  • 0:20:48 – Don’t try to be the leader
  • 0:27:35 – Don’t talk to people about things unrelated to the current situation
  • 0:30:09 – Sponsor: Brilliant (Learning problem-solving skills)
  • 0:32:19 – Sponsor: CuriosityStream (Learning new topics)
  • 0:34:33 – Don’t take an interest in other people’s interests
  • 0:38:26 – Don’t try new things to meet new people
  • 0:42:02 – Don’t try to remember people’s birthdays or send them gifts
  • 0:44:07 – Don’t try to become friends when you don’t immediately “click”
  • 0:53:26 – Don’t work on improving yourself
  • 1:02:52 – Conclusion and good luck on being alone forever

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How to Never Have Friends and Be Alone Forever