12 Reasons Why It Might Be A Good Idea To Take Out A Private Student Loan

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Ok fine. I guess since you clicked I’ll give you a list – but it’s gotta be quick because I have better things to do, like scooping out my eyes with a melon baller.

  1. You want to perpetuate the belief that you’re an absolute moron
  2. You’re looking for a way to play life on hard mode but don’t have the balls to give yourself a spinal injury
  3. You think your life is too predictable and believe the words “variable rate” will make it more adventurous
  4. You already hate your future spouse even though you haven’t met him/her yet, and you want a divorce
  5. Crying is one of your favorite pastimes
  6. A wizard has turned you into a whale (as of March 2013, there exists no federal mandate requiring whales to pay back student loans)
  7. Your religion involves worshipping Wells Fargo and you need a way to show your undying commitment
  8. You were planning on vacationing in Somalia anyway
  9. You’ve told your friends that you want to help the needy, but don’t actually want to and need an excuse for not donating your time or money
  10. You’re being paid $1 million to test a new version of Prozac and need a real reason to use it
  11. You have no motivation, no drive, and no desire to work hard and discover a path to success on your own – you want a posh job after graduation based only on the prestigious name of the private school on your degree (actually, this is a terrible reason because it won’t work)
  12. You’re totally fine with trading in 20+ years after college of being stuck in a job you hate in order to pay your $500/month loan payment in exchange for 4 years of living ten blocks from Times Square and your parents being able to brag about where you’re going at neighborhood block parties

Parents – stay tuned for 18 Reasons You Should Cosign Your Kid’s Loans, which is sure to be packed with equally great insight and wisdom!

pizzabanana

Thomas Frank is the geek behind College Info Geek. After paying off $14K in student loans before graduating, landing jobs and internships, starting a successful business, and travelling the globe, he's now on a mission to help you build a remarkable college experience as well. Get the Newsletter | Twitter | Facebook

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